Thursday, August 19, 2010

Dear Dad

Da, I love you, seriously, but you're 61, so therefore you are banned from going into places like yd. and mantoman to get clothes. There is a reason why Mama facepalms when you come home with bags from those places. Stop saying 'feck it' when something is too expensive for you. Yes, you're an Irishman, and no, the rest of the store doesn't need to know. Learn how to turn on a computer perhaps, instead of pointing at the 'on' button and saying 'How the feck does that one work!?' Please don't get FB. Speaking in Irish to your brothers may be natural for you, but doing it when everyone else is around is a bit mean, and it will make everyone look at you--not that you've ever cared, but still. Learn how to make a phone call, and learn how to text properly. I know it's a prerequisite that every Smith male in this family must suck at technology, but still. Even Mama's better at it than you. Opa always kept himself up to date with the latest happenings; that mainly involved him getting me to find the AdelaideNow website for him so he could troll the comments sections with his broken English (Kimberleeee! Ziss vill not vork! How!) Oma sucked at technology more than my Dad does, but she had her crock pot and her stove and her industrial oven and she was happy. I can remember her yelling at me for putting a creamy mushroom sauce I had just made over the schnitzel I had just cooked; I had made myself dinner, and she arrived at the wrong time. "Yech! Zatt iz not Kosher, silly girl!" I loved both of my mother's parents like crazy, and when they died I was devastated, but seriously, the constant talk of me marrying a 'good Jewish boy' was a bit annoying.

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